Antisocial (2013)

antisocial01A couple of teenage girls are working on a video blog about fashion when one of them commits the faux pas of bleeding from the face after Labor Day.  Girl # 2 is concerned about girl # 1. Then girl # 2 is concerned about girl # 2 as her friend attacks her. Girl # 2 gets the upperhand and uses it to club her friend to death with a blow-dryer.

Next we meet Sam (presumably short for Samantha), a hot Angelina Joliesque college student who is trying to reach her boyfriend.  When they finally connect via a Skype-like app, he uses that opportunity to dump her.  My sympathies were immediately with her, but when I saw her laptop was not an MacBook, I was hers.

She goes to a party that night which is is just an awful scene with alternating so-mo / fast-mo, techno noise, a wacky drunk guy of the type no one thinks is funny after age 14, and a self-centered diva with self-esteem far out of proportion to her looks.  This scene is jarringly out of synch with everything that precedes it; and, fortunately, also with everything that follows it.

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L to R: Token minority, beta male, diva, alpha male, hottie

The gang sees reports of violence and suicides on the news.  Being young and stupid, their main concern is whether to cancel their New Year’s Eve party.  That discussion is resolved when a zombie rams his arm through the front door and grabs Sam.  Another discussion in the bedroom is resolved when a zombie breaks in through the window. Luckily, token black party-goer Steve is able to hurl him off a balcony.

antisocial09When 9-1-1 has a recorded message, they know shit is real, this not being Detroit. They hear lots of gunfire, sirens and crowds as civilization breaks down.  Hmmm, maybe this is Detroit.  They take the precaution of boarding up the windows and doors.  They also watch the video blog of the fashion-girls, so it is nice to see there is a callback to that scene.

One of the symptoms is hallucinations.  When token black Steve starts to hallucinate, it is interesting to see them from his perspective.  Steve goes full zombie and the others have to kill him.  Steve’s diva girlfriend goes down next, and not in the good way.  She also sees the hallucinations and has a very effective — and festive — turn for the worse.

Turns out the Facebook doppleganger in the film — Social Redroom — is to blame.  Using subliminal message to track users, it had a few side-effects.  There is a cure, or at least vaccine, which is almost worse than the disease as it is administered with a power drill to the skull.

I can highly recommend this movie despite some serious problems.  Most importantly, the movie is just awful to look at.  I am baffled why so many horror movies, especially low budget ones, think it is a good idea to desaturate the color out of the movie.

The acting is generally OK.  It pains me to say the weak link here is Sam.  She is beautiful — from some angles, downright amazing — but just doesn’t bring much else to the role; especially in the later scenes where she needs to step up, it just doesn’t happen.  I think she probably needs a stronger director than she had here — it wasn’t so much mis-steps in her performance as no-steps.

Most importantly, the film had ideas.  I really enjoyed the ending scenario in which shit just kept on piling on right up to the last frame.  This was a good one.

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Kind of spoilery, but it’s basically the cover art.

Post-Post:

  • On second thought, maybe the MacBook Apple logo was hidden by a cover; it’s a start.
  • The IMDb description says the outbreaks are happening unbeknownst to the group in the house — this really could not be more wrong.  They see what is going on in the outside world via a peephole in the door, TV news, social media, webcasts, Skype, basically every form of non-print mass media.
  • But I’m sure the newspaper had it covered the next day.

Escape (2012)

“Norway 1363.  Ten years have passed since the Black Death killed half the population .  The land is barren and the lawlessness is raging.”

So wait, this isn’t Escape: The Musical?

Signe and her brother — don’t get too attached — are in a wagon being pulled by one horse with their parents along side on foot.  While stopped for some grub — probably literally grub — Pa is teaching the kids to shoot a bow.  The boy does OK, but Signe lacks patience.  I’d love to say this was testing my patience as well, but there is something immediately captivating about the setting, the family and the score (little bit of a Dances with Wolves thing going on).

Four minutes in, the family is attacked by 14th century gangstas busting arrows & axes in their ass, caps having hot yet been invented.  Signe, being maybe 15, has some value, so is spared.  The gang is led by a woman, Dagmar, who wants to use her to create a little sister for another young girl they’ve adopted (i.e. also murdered her parents).  The men in her crew support this concept too, but maybe for a different reason.

escape03The other little girl, with the unlikely name Frigg, sneaks some water to Signe who the gang has chained in camp.  Dagmar catches her and threatens to make her cut off one of Signe’s fingers.  The next morning Frigg shows up with a knife, and not only doesn’t cut off a finger, she lets Signe go.

The two homely, homely girls escape the camp and the gangstas take off after them through the woods.  From this point on, it is really just a chase with the girls picking off their pursuers.  But that’s enough.

escape04The girls aren’t Rambo.  There is no crazy kung fu wire-work.  There are no elaborate traps set.  When Signe attacks a man who has 100 pounds on her, she is just as ineffectual as you would expect in reality.  They just use their wits, and take advantage of situations.  Their drab looks and clothing lend a credibility to the scenes as does the use of the woods and rivers.

It would be tough for a story to get much simpler than this and still have images moving around on the screen.  Signe looks a little like Jennifer Lawrence, but this is no Hunger games; no fancy story, just a simple, picturesque thriller.  The girls are both great.  Of the cast, Dagmar could have benefited most from a deeper characterization, but that would be a different movie.  In short, everything on the screen works, and I didn’t miss anything that was not in there.  And at 78 minutes with about 6 minutes of credits, it never lags. escape05Highly recommended.

Post-Post:

  • Original title in Norway: Flukt.  Starring Frigg.
  • Signe by Eric Clapton.

Alien Abduction (2014)

alienabduction01The following is leaked footage from the US Airforce.

This film had one strike going in — the horribly generic title.  And another strike just a few seconds in as they misspelled US Air Force.  They pulled it out, though, with a home run . . . ummm in the park . . . maybe on an error.

The film starts out in an alien ship with the found-footage camera being tossed out a garbage chute.

Then we truly begin with some allegedly true accounts of the Brown Mountain Lights including mysterious lights, creatures, abductions, and certain anti-gravity antics reported by a woman who would have really stress-tested the technology.

The Morris family is going camping at Brown Mountain.  It is refreshing that they are not all assholes as is typically the case.  Mom and Dad are there with kids Corey and Jillian. Younger son Riley is autistic which is used as an excuse to have him hold on to that camera like grim death.  He is pretty chatty for an autistic kid — it seems to come and go.  Maybe it’s that 24 hour autism.

As the gals and the guys are setting up the tents, naturally the woman finish before the men figure theirs out because mens are stoopid.  It still has not occurred to Hollywood that this same constant joke is actually patronizing to women.  At least they let a man make the fire.  With a barbecue grill lighter.

alienabduction03That night, after some strange flashes of light that illuminate the tents, they go outside and see the famous Brown Mountain Lights.  At first it is just 3 lights forming a triangle. Then they slowly move around, and zip away very quickly.

The next day, back in the mini-van, the GPS predictably goes out as they travel on back-roads.  They run low on gas because Dad was too stoopid to fill the tank, but do make it to a tunnel which contains several abandoned cars randomly scattered on the road.  Doors are open and toys, baby seats, CDs, and broken seat belts ominously litter the road.

The cars all seem recently er, abandoned.  They are just sitting there empty and fueled up for the taking, but Dad decides to explore the tunnel instead.  There is even a police car there with a radio blaring, but no time for that.

There is a very chilling incident in the tunnel which I will not spoil.  The lights, editing, and sound design actually sent chills through me.  You can bitch about Riley continuing to film, but would you rather not see anything?  Shut up.

The survivors get back in the van and tear out for the 50 yards the gas lasts them, then hoof it on foot.  They go up a dirt driveway that they had noticed on the way in.  Up until this point, I would rate this film as excellent.  However, the redneck who lives down the lane is the weak link in the film.

Sean greets them in his front yard with a rifle.  Its not like he’s moon-shining and these are revenuers — he just seems to be acting like an asshole.  He has the standard over-the-top southern accent, camo, trucker cap, manly-man beard and butt dangling from his mouth as he takes aim at them.  Like all movie hicks, he lives with his brother.  Shockingly, the script does not have him request anyone to squeal like a pig.

Once he sees what they are up against, he does take them in.  Luckily Sean does prove to have some good survival instincts.  He cleverly realizes that the police car in the tunnel will be the object of a huge search, and strings cans around his property to act as alarms.  That night, Sean’s place is flooded with light as the aliens attack.  Tragically, their galaxy-hopping technology enabled them to outwit the tin can strategy.

alienabduction06Sean is able to find his brother’s empty truck.  He is taking the survivors — which are now fewer in number — to town.  Once again, they see the bright lights.  Sean gives them direction to a barn to hide in.  A couple more are taken in the standard Fire in the Sky bright light tractor beam — but now with back breakage!

After a minute of credits, there is an utterly unnecessary epilogue.  But it does break up the 11 minutes of credits.  As always, I applaud them for not padding out the movie.

Other than Sean’s caricature of Hollywood’s perception of a southerner, this is a very good, efficient, chilling film.  Everyone else is great in their roles, it it moves at a perfect pace, and has some good scares.  Special kudos to the sound design which is literally chilling.

Highly recommended.

Post-Post:

  • Wouldn’t The Brown Mountain Abductions have been a more obvious and much more interesting choice of title?
  • The “actual” Lights have an official site featuring a clip which should embarrass The National Geographic Channel.  The Travel Channel also has a clip but I’ll be damned if I’ll sit through a 30-second commercial to see it.
  • For an opposing view: Skeptoid.
  • Is it even possible to have an in-the-park home run that does not include an error?
  • What kind of asshole does this to the rocks?  That’s who ought to be abducted and have their back broken.  You know, after a trial.

alienabduction02

Ghostmaker (2011)

ghostmaker01“Last year this footage started to appear on the internet.  As of today the identity of these people remains unknown.  The following film is inspired by their story.”

Well, this is new: A film that only claims to be inspired by the events rather than being based on them. I’m not sure that is better.  In this genre, based on is always an obvious lie; but inspired by flat out tells you this is show-biz.  No matter — this is a fun ride.

College student Kyle needs money for college necessities like textbooks and crystal meth so he is working for a cleaning service.  While clearing out an old woman’s basement, he finds a coffin with a window in the lid.  The film immediately becomes terrifying as it reminds me of having to sit through that episode of Ray Bradbury Theater which also featured a coffin with a view.

The old woman makes him promise to destroy it, but he thinks he night be able to sell it on eBay.  He opens it up to clean it out and discovers the cushions lift out.  Inside he finds a clockwork device with more wheels and gears than the Antikythera Mechanism.

ghostmaker04With his friend Pratt, Kyle finds an antique book with a drawing of the coffin which is called a Ghost Machine.  It was created to simulate the sensation of a near death experience.

They test it out first on a goldfish.  Seriously.  I appreciate that they are scientifically weighing the risks, but a goldfish?  Couldn’t they find an ant?  The fish appears to die, but does wake up, leading the brain-trust to proclaim the device safe for humans.  Fairly ludicrous, but more-so as we learn about the device.  It uses sound waves as part of the process — do goldfish have ears?  And plunges a needle into the back of the subject’s head — did the bowl mysteriously spring a leak?

Kyle tries it first and discovers that it transforms him into a ghost.  He is able to move about unseen, even through walls, while his corporeal body still lies in the coffin.  His buddy Platt tries it with similar results.  Kyle’s wheelchair bound roomie Sutton tries it, and naturally is able to walk.

ghostmaker06Kyle compounds his meth addiction with an addiction to the device.  One feeds the other as he uses the device to plan robberies in order to score more meth.  Eventually he sees the destruction that his actions are causing and realizes he must break the cycles of both the meth and the coffin.

Sutton is seduced by the device’s ability to let him walk again.  The more he uses it, the further more enslaved to it he becomes.  He uses the device far more than anyone else and experiences the most changes.  He uses the device to spy on Kyle’s girlfriend Julie, eventually stealing it to protect it from Kyle.  He rats out Kyle as a meth user and abducts Julie.

Platt falls down some stairs and dies.  OK, his story is a little thin.

The film looks great, and has great pacing and score.  The acting is a little spotty, but not distracting.  There is a strange flatness to the movie though, which I am at a loss to describe.  Maybe because there are no extreme highs or lows, no big jump scares, no big twists.  It even has an ending that ties things up maybe a little too neatly.  Maybe all that works in its favor — it succeeds by not doing anything wrong.

But the important thing is that it succeeds.  Highly recommended.

Post-Post:

  • Originally titled Box of Shadows.
  • The name on Julie’s medicine bottle is Julie Strain.
  • Not crazy about that cover.  While death is personified in the film, it looks nothing like that and does not carry a scythe.  The cover is actually far less interesting than the reality for a change — the old switch and bait.

The Den (2013)

theden01This movie was a complete surprise.

The only thing I knew about it was that I saw a 2-star review at another site this morning (which I did not read).  It was already in my NetFlix queue, though, so I gave it a chance — and it’s pretty great!  I get that out of the way up front, because there are some caveats.

Caveat # 1:  A couple of times it crossed the line for me into Megan is Missing territory where it became a little too real to be fun.  But your mileage may vary.

Melanie Papalia as Liz Benton has copped the greatest gig in the world.  She has actually gotten a university grant to surf the web all day.  I don’t get offers that good in my spam.  She is using a Chatroulette type program called The Den to talk to people all over the world who want to see her boobs.

theden03Pretty quickly her computer is hacked.  It turns itself on, and The Den feed gives her some disturbing audio.  After a non-nonsensical scene where her boyfriend throws a scare into her, the hacker turns on her webcam and records them making out.  This results in the board pulling her grant, even although I suspect the vote was not unanimous.

After a few random chats with pervs, an Aussie, a Nigerian Prince scammer, etc, she sees a woman bound and gagged, who is thrown against a table and has her neck sliced open.  From there, things go badly for Liz in ways that I will not detail.  As always, the less known, the better.  This film actually got 3 or 4 verbal oh-shits from me, which is extremely rare.

Caveat #2:  You’re going to be reminded of a lot of other movies.  My theory is that originality is over-rated, so it didn’t really bother me.  Yes, what they have created here uses some familiar building blocks, but how they put them to together is better than 90% of the crap in this genre.  I’m sure there are many more examples, but off the top of my head, all of these are represented here: Megan is Missing, Hostel, Saw, V/H/S, Devils Due, The Strangers.

My well-reasoned argument is, “so what”.  I came to be entertained and they delivered.

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Watching cable news when I was younger and more stupider prepared me for this.