I remember this one from the original 1999 airing, so it must be good.  But I also remember seeing Bicentennial Man in 1999, so . . .

The titular Haven is one of the new high rise condos that promise the residents “the utmost in privacy and security”.  Aside from an occasional awkward encounter in the elevator, the occupants are virtually guaranteed to never see or hear their neighbors.  If unauthorized persons appear on their floor, say selling overpriced, loosely packed cookies, hovering drones will zap them.  There is never any noise, and eye contact is discouraged.  Wait, are you sure this place isn’t called The Heaven?

Caleb is not happy to have to share his elevator with another resident.  No, wait, two residents — what is this, f***ing Woodstock?  George, the holographic concierge, explains that it would be cost-prohibitive for every resident to have a private elevator.

As Caleb walks through his unit the next morning, everything seems to be Alexa’d.  He asks for the blinds to open and they do, he asks for the refrigerator door to open and it does.  He similarly bosses around the cabinets, TV, laptop, and orders muffins.  Suddenly, everything starts glitching.  His appliances turn off, and he is trapped in his condo.  We see from the identical holographic Georges on every floor responding to complaints that the failure is building-wide, not just because Caleb was mean to his toaster, and forget what he told his toilet to do.

After a pretty short time of experiencing the isolation that he pays such high HOA Fees for and still just gets basic cable, Caleb gets cabin fever.  He bundles up some knives and begins hacking away at the wall — literal, not figurative — between him and his neighbor.  Really, what is that going to do?  Isn’t that unit in the same condition as his?  Wouldn’t he have been better off trying to reach the hallway?  How about tossing a paperweight or a sofa out the window with a note attached?  This seems like the worst possible plan — oh wait, his neighbor is a hot chick.  Well-played then.

She also happens to be an electronics whiz.  In no time, she shorts out her door so it swings open.  Alyssa and Caleb go into the hallway which is dim with emergency lighting.  George is back online and actually visible in the dark because, in a masterful bit planning, they used an albino as the model for holographic George.

The rest of the episode is them trying to reach the ground floor while George puts obstacles in their way, sometimes fatally.  It’s not exactly Die Hard in a . . . uh, highrise . . . er, OK just like Die Hard.  So it’s a little like Die Hard, just without the machine guns, homicidal ballet dancer, Huey Lewis look-alike, coke-snorting yuppie, Urkel’s neighbor, Clarence Beeks, and George is no Hans Gruber.  Still, they are trapped in a building, you feel the claustrophobia, and they are constantly in danger and on the move.

Their constant motion gives the episode an inertia the Outer Limits sometimes lacks.  They even have an interesting message at the end.  I’m not sure if it is a great episode, but it is one of my favorites.

Other Stuff:

• Caleb was fine, but I find the actor kind of annoying.  Maybe it’s jealousy because he dated Lorelei on The Gilmore Girls.  Her daughter Rory was hot too.  I could have gone either way in that family, being right in the middle of the two of them.  Two years younger than Lorelei, and 13 years older than her daughter.  Yep, right in the middle.  Too close to call, really. ^[1]
• [1] Based on the reboot ages; I’m not an monster.

Wait a minute, the guys from Motley Crüe went on a camping trip?  Oh, wait, I guess these are cavemen.  The goofy clothing and hair threw me off, although I suspect the smell would not have cleared things up.  One of the guyz gets the hots for a girl at the boar-roast and beats her mate to death in a sneak attack.  Even back then, the cute ones went for Neanderthals.  He screams triumphantly and grabs the girl.

Arthur in the lab.

This is just a daydream by meek anthropologist Arthur Zeller as he stares at an exhibit on prehistoric man.  He is jolted back to reality as James and Laura, who he has a crush on, leave for the night.  Arthur returns to his lab and injects a serum marked DOMINANCE into a mouse which was meek as, well, a mouse.  The mouse becomes more aggressive and Arthur sees this as a way for mankind to reacquire some lost virtues.  He presents his findings to the funding committee.

This must be the toughest Anthropology Department in America.  Arthur’s colleagues are all alpha-males who continually play pranks on him and emasculate him in front of Laura.  Chairman Stansfield tells Arthur later that he is not funding his project because he thinks he does not have the guts to fight the challenges to his work.  The proposal seems worthy though as 3 days later, the test rat has crushed his enemies and heard the lamentations of their lady-rats.  Like every scientist ever on Outer Limits, he decides to use the drug on himself.

Arthur doing an experiment.

The next day at work, he is more assertive.  He suggests a hardball plan to deal with rival researchers.  He tells the Chairman that he is afraid to do what is necessary to keep this department on top.  And he says he doesn’t care what they think, he is going to keep eating at Chic-Fil-A!  When James teases him about his new attitude, Arthur tells him, “F*** off.”

Hey, Hollywood, take a lesson from Canada.  This was an effective jolt because we get maybe one F-bomb per season from this series.  Hollywood version:

James:  What the fuck, Arthur?  You’re acting like a fucking maniac!  Are you fucking high?

Arthur:  Fuck off for fuck’s sake.  Boy, I hate that fucking Chic-Fil-A!

As Arthur continues taking the DOMINANCE drug, he becomes more aggressive.  He shouts down the homeless guy who always hassles him.  At work, staring at the caveman exhibit, he begins to channel the caveman.  We get caveman-POV shots of the man’s dog as the man follows him through the jungle on a hunt.  Then I guess we get a dog’s-ass-POV because we see the caveman running toward the camera.  Laura’s scream awakens him as he has just hurled a spear that nearly pierced both her ears; the hard way.

Arthur testing his flint spear theory.

He explains that he has been researching the penetrating power of flint spears.  He apologizes and says he would “never want to skewer you . . . not with a spear anyway.”  Heyyyoooo!  My man!  Oh, wait, she doesn’t appreciate that.  She stomps away outraged at that kind of lewd talk from a guy who doesn’t look like George Clooney.  With his new-found confidence and aggression, he gives the Chairman a beat-down that night.

Well, it goes on mostly where you would expect since we have seen this story a hundred times.  Leland Orser did excellent work here as the meek Arthur all the way through to the uninhibited caveman.  That is really the best reason to sit through this episode.  Jenny Copper was also good as Laura.  The others were mostly so loathsome that it is hard to be objective.

Arthur discussing his research.

The ending was unexpected.  I guess after going all Altered States, Arthur didn’t have Blair Brown’s awesomeness to ground him back to his human form.

Other Stuff:

• Title Analysis:  Yeah, I get it, but what a waste of a title.  Look at the movie The Descent — that’s what I want from a descent!

Ministry of Defense Envoy Katherine Woods is sending a message from space to her young son.  She knows the war is scary, but she tells him, “It’s our job to talk with the Dregs and try to stop the bad feelings between us.”  Well, maybe not calling them the Dregs would be a start.  She is confident, having previously negotiated treaties with the Scumbags and the Poopyheads.

The Dregs are late to the titular summit.  Colonel Thurman takes this as a sign that 1) they are not coming, 2) this might be a set-up for a terrorist strike, and 3) he really over-ordered on the shrimp.  They finally see a Dreg ship approaching.  It soon goes out of control and the Dregs immediately suspect sabotage by the humans.  They arm their weapons, so we blow them out of the sky (Team Humans!  F*** yeah!).  Sadly, they were apparently right over top of the base at the time so the debris rains down on the base killing our Ambassador.  Earth and Dreg Central both launch their fleets.  In 3 hours, there will be a war.

Thurman takes charge, but Woods reminds him that she is in charge until there is a declaration of war.  He says she is in over her head and “the only order she has ever given is for desert at a diplomatic function.”

Somehow Dregosian Ambassador Prosser and his sidekick survived the crash of their ship and force their way into the facility.  The frightening Prosser has yellow-green snake-like eyes set in hellish red sockets.  But mostly he is terrifying because he is played by Michael Ironside.  He tells Woods that after 5 generations of oppression, the Dregs are fighting back.  Engineered by humans to serve their needs, they work under a sun so bright that they need yellow eyes to reflect its rays, and a third lung to tolerate the thin atmosphere.  Prosser says they are through working in the mines!  Wait, then why is the bright sun a problem if they work in mines?

The actors — especially Michael Ironside and John Spencer — do a great job, although the casting did most of the work.  There is nothing particularly wrong with the episode.  It just feels like a missed opportunity.  The first act reminded me of the classic Trial by Fire — an untested leader suddenly thrust into a global conflict.  It never achieved that level, though.  The fourth act should have been awesome.  The stakes are so high, and the sacrifices made are so final that it could have been a series highlight.  Sadly, the direction is unimaginative and the score is utterly lacking in support for the drama on screen.

Still, the performances and script make a decent episode.

I think I’ll pass on this one.

It begins in a German Concentration Camp.  The excellent production values immediately pull you in.  The camp, the crowds, the costumes, the casting . . . all show that they took extra care with this episode.  It is so effective and so evocative of The Holocaust that I’m not interested in fooling around with it.  I doubt you’ll see Cinema Sins doing Everything Wrong with Schindler’s List.

A few random comments:  Saul Rubinek is less annoying than usual; certainly more tolerable than in Gotcha!  Lindsay Crouse is always welcome.

This is the first time I recall an Outer Limits episode title being shown in anything other than the standard OL font.  TRIBUNAL is shown in a classic German font (like Wolfenstein).  This is strange because the titular tribunal is not in Nazi Germany.  Their representative is not even German. ^[1]  I don’t see the point.

Outer Limits is usually pretty tame on the language and graphic violence.  This one did contain one of their most graphic, or at least brutal, kills.

There is a dedication at the end by the writer.  It is a tragic real-world cap to the episode.  It just seemed disrespectful to include it here.

It doesn’t feel right to say this was one of Outer Limits’ best episodes.  Even though the story has strong sci-fi elements, the real-world connection puts it in its own class.  It is excellent, though.

Footnotes:

• [1] I don’t know Alex Diakun’s ethnicity, but he did play Indian Joe on Huckleberry Finn and his Friends.  Wait, Indian Joe?  I guess it makes sense to sanitize the nickname for a kid’s show.  Otherwise Huck’s friend Jim wouldn’t be in it at all.

It does not bode well that the story is set in history’s dullest era, Elizabethan England.  The opening shot is a dull matte painting which dissolves into a dull soiree with formally dressed, jaded stiffs lounging about, just the kind of lethargic gathering that — hey boobies!

I guess this is more of a ho house.  Dr. Jack — in an episode called “Ripper” — York seems particularly uncomfortable.  He is reading a Jules Verne novel in the lobby rather than taking a girl upstairs.  He is apparently a regular so is not bounced out for his impudence.  No, I said impudence.  One girl does catch his eye.  When she leaves, Jack follows.  He finds her nearby making out with another women, so naturally he watches them; as one does.  Improbably, this is not the highpoint of his evening.  A ghostly green snake-like entity bursts from the chest of the girl, and zooms down the throat of her lover.  Jack runs.

Back at his house, his fiancee demands, “You must promise me that you will never go back to that place again.”  But when he begins kissing her neck, she says, “Not until after we’re married!”  Well, which is it, baby?  If that is not bad enough, Jack is in a deep depression over a grievous error he made with a patient who died before her insurance had run out.  Like Oscar Wilde, he has become addicted to Absinthe, and is getting no action from the ladies; but for different reasons.

The next day, he does take a girl upstairs.  However, he notices a green slime around her mouth like the monster he saw earlier.  Jack recoils even though he had not previously coiled.  Wait, they were kissing, how did that slime suddenly appear on her mouth?  They begin fighting, then Jack grabs his cane in which a knife is hidden.  The woman tries to seduce him saying, “I’m old, Jack.  Older than you.  Older than London.”  She might be an ancient spirit, but boy has she not learned what to say to a man.  He stabs her in the gut just as the madam and some of her girls come in and witness the bloody attack.  The girl runs outside to the alley where she snakes into another woman.  So at least somebody’s getting some action.

Jack escapes and runs home.  As he his polishing his shillelagh, his fiancee catches him.  Awkward.  She is furious that he missed a scheduled lunch with her mother.  So his afternoon could have been even worse.  It does go downhill, though, as Police Detective Langford shows up and arrests him.

The next day, his fiancee humiliates herself by saying Jack could not have killed the woman because they were fornicating at the time of the murder.  I guess the eyewitness testimony of the five professional fornicators who saw the murder was less believable.

Well, then things get personal for Jack, then personal for his fiancee.

The production design was excellent.  The settings and costumes seemed very authentic.  The Britishness was further enhanced by Cary Elwes as Jack looking very much like Malcolm McDowell in Time after Time, and David Warner from the same film playing the Detective.  Although, thank God the cast’s teeth were not era-appropriate. ^[1]

Maybe it was those darn British accents, but the performances in this episode were just incredible.  Cary Elwes had to convey everything from ennui to insanity, and pulled it off magnificently.  Clare Sims as his fiancee was equally excellent.  Frances Fisher and David Warner are old hands and are as solid as ever.  The alien was a little hammy at times, borderline Dr. Frankenfurteresque, but not a dealbreaker.

Overall, excellent.

Notes

• [1]  Seriously, check out the trailer for They Shall Not Grow Old.
• It is goddam impossible to verbally ask Google to spell fiancee without getting a bio of Beyonce (if you just say the word, don’t phrase it as a question).