What happened this week? Was there a substitute teacher? This episode is relatively awesome! Relatively.
- Truman Bradley actually names the location of the first scene rather than giving the usual generic description: He says “The Smithsonian Museum” rather than “a large east coast museum built on former swampland in the most corrupt city in America.”
- We meet archaeologist Dr. Susan Calvin. To be fair, SFT has often been progressive about featuring women as scientists. The interesting thing here is an actual literary allusion! This has got to be a reference to Isaac Asimov’s recurring character Susan Calvin in his robot stories. She wasn’t an archaeologist, but it’s progress.
- Explosions
- Stunts
- International locations (well, some inserts from Machu Picchu).
- Ancient Astronauts
Howard Evans enters Susan Calvin’s lab expecting to find a man. She lets him dangle for a few questions before admitting she is Dr. Calvin. He reaches in his pocket and grabs two stones. With his other hand, he shows her two glassy green rocks. She tells him they aren’t emeralds, but he already knows that.
She says they were created by a nuclear explosion, but he knows that too. He adds that this is sand from Peru that has been fused together. Dr. Calvin is surprised that the glass came from Peru. Evans says they were found “high in the Andes.” Wait, there is sand high in the Andes? Why didn’t those Uruguayan soccer players eat the sand which is there? Sandwiches there? Anybody? Is this thing on? [1]
He asks to use her “dating machine”, but it doesn’t find any hot matches 20 years younger than him. It does, however, determine that the glass is 2,000 years old. Dr. Calvin says, “You can hardly expect me to believe such a fantastic assumption!” She knows Peru did not have nuclear power 2,000 years ago, and has her doubts about electricity in 1956.
Evans tells her a top secret expedition is going to Peru to find where this glass came from, find how a nuclear explosion was set off, find who could have done it, and find lodging with indoor plumbing. And guess what? You’re on it! The expedition, not the plumbing.
They travel to Cusca, capital of the ancient Inca Empire. To go up into the Andes, they must travel by mule. At a remote monastery, Padre Xavier welcomes them to the Inca Empire, but says they have no throne. He warns them not to go to Red Ghost Valley. “It is a place of landslides and evil forces.” Xavier’s student Sallah Tawa joins them as a guide.
Half-Time Report: This episode has already distinguished itself as one of SFT’s best. The dialogue has been snappier than usual. The writer was no Tarantino, but it is definitely an improvement. There have also been fun ideas such as a poison arrow booby trap. [3] We get actual stunt work as both performers appear to take a fall down a rock chute. At one point, there was a rumbling and I expected a giant boulder to chase them. It’s not Raiders of the Lost Ark, but it might be Crystal Skull. Next, they find a mysterious metal mirror. When they move it, a giant plume of fire shoots out of the rocks. Bravo! Just great stuff compared to past episodes.
In Red Ghost Valley, using the hieroglyphics on a stone tablet, they begin solving the mystery. Dr. Calvin translates, “Four stars make up a sun on earth. One star on the 15th step of the big staircase. One star on the yellow peak. The third star on the block below. And the fourth star right where we’re standing.” They are finally able to figure out the cryptic locations, especially the “right where we’re standing” one.
They position reflectors at the four spots and aim them at the ancient mirror. An intense fire appears a few feet from them and uncovers a cave. When the area cools, they find more green glass, although part of it is an old Heineken’s bottle. This means the fire was as hot as an atomic bomb. Dr. Calvin, also hot as an atomic bomb, is astounded because Peruvians 2,000 years ago could never have designed this system.
They drop into a cave (another stunt!) and find a fortune in Incan gold. Hieroglyphics describe how the reflectors can form a beam to turn rock into gold. The tablet also says this technology came from people from the sky. They find a skull that is too large to be from a human, even Leonardo DiCaprio.[4] Dr. Calvin suggests, “Do you think they came from outer space, leaving the Incans this gift of progress?” Holy crap, did SFT just invent Ancient Astronauts?
In the 2nd half, the fun continued with stunts, explosions, and actual ideas. Even the shortcomings work in its favor. Howard Evans is not developed much as a character. [2] But that is largely because Marilyn Erskine as Susan Calvin blows him off the screen (but that is none of our business). Not only is she beautiful, but she drives much of the detective work solving this mystery. Another example is some wind noise in the Andes scenes. I suspect it is a technical error (not Hollywoody enough), but it totally works in establishing the harsh environment.
I can’t express how much I love this episode. It might be objectively terrible, but compared to the previous 70 episodes — I never imagined this would happen with SFT — I have to give it an A. [5]
Other Stuff:
- Who to credit for this masterpiece? Writer Peter Brooke? His career is almost entirely packed into four years. Then, presumably, his wife told him to get a real job. Thirteen years after a story credit on a 1964 The Fugitive, he rebounded with one episode of The Six Million Dollar Man. I didn’t even know she was sick. He did manage to parlay this early effort into six Sugarfoots (or Sugarfeet).
- This was director Eddie Davis’s 9th SFT, but I don’t remember any others being standouts. I see on IMDb he also directed 16 episodes of The Unexpected which looks pretty good. Sadly it seems it be lost forever.
- [1] Joe Miller Jokebook circa 1739.
- [1] They were rugby players. Why does everyone always call them soccer players?
- [1] But all seriousness aside, would there be sand in the Andes?
- [2] Dr. Calvin is more developed, but it’s hard to tell in that lab coat. Heyoooo!
- [3] As in Raiders, I wonder who resets these ancient booby traps?
- [4] Would also have accepted: Ted Kennedy. That had to be a 30-poundah.
- [5] I’ve watched 70 of these things?
Hearing that the mob is heading this way, the alleged killer demands to be set free, even though he is in the safest possible place — a locked iron cage. Fiedler also whines to be released, but he is again the least of their worries. Besides, he just did the impossible; he committed another crime while alone in a jail cell. Bloody recidivist!
After putting on Fiedler’s suit, the killer locks him in his (the killer’s) cell as if the lynch-mob would know what cell the killer was in. Wouldn’t it maybe be the ONLY guy in the jail? The mob shows up and drags Fiedler out of the cell. They beat him unconscious, but the Officer shows up and runs them off. I guess it would have been too much to arrest a couple. Sixty years later, the Officer became Mayor of Portland. [4]
Another just about perfect episode. Well told and well cast. Fiedler is the perfect pusillanimous, high-pitched, panicky dweeb to sucker us in. [5] It also plays on Hitchcock’s familiar theme of being falsely arrested. The beautiful irony is that he was almost lynched for the crime he actually committed.
A respectful length of time after his wife’s death (1 commercial break) Marquis Jacques de la Roget is married to Charlotte. She was just a girl from the village, but is clearly pleased with her new wealth and power and indoor plumbing. The new couple is barely through the door before she is ordering the butler Ernest to get her some strawberries, “A lot! A big plate!” [1]
Jacques snaps at Charlotte’s callousness, but she counters, “How you have changed from the impatient lover who complained so bitterly, ‘Why does it take so long, why does it take so long!'”
The next day, Charlotte is barking orders at Ernest for a big party while being fitted for a fancy gown. Jacques enters and dismisses the servants. He is panicking because the stain is looking more like Jeanette. Jacques wants to lock the room up. Charlotte says that it is just his conscience torturing him for what they did to Jeanette, and he agrees.
Now, about that stain. I’m no nitpicker, but come on. It starts as the little white dog. Then it fades to nothing in front of Jacques as if it were supernatural. Then it comes back as a jellyfish, then a little Jesusy. The maid can see these because she tries to clean them off. Then the stain evolves into a screaming face. When the inspector looks at it, it is the little dog again, except black. But wait, when it was the white dog, it disappeared completely so is it real or not? During John Newland’s closing remarks, it looks like someone sneezed against the wall; and that is the family-friendly interpretation. Just looking for some consistency.
To be fair, that reaction might just be due to his role as Julius Moomer in 
The Captain’s estimate is 515 miles. Botibol bids $1,000 that the actual distance traveled will be less. He sees Renshaw and tells him about the bet, and the Pool which is now $14,000. He is sure there is no chance of him losing.
The old lady’s nurse walks up and does not believe her patient’s crazy story about a man jumping in the ocean. She is clearly in a Bidenesque fog of dementia. So we close with Botibol becoming a smaller and smaller flailing shape in the distance.
Oh yeah, the case when he left the suffering tubercular patients in his office in the middle of the day to make the country’s last recorded house-call at a nudie bar? Yeah, that one might stick in the memory.
Blah, blah, blah. The episode gets bogged down trying to conjure a scientific basis for Nina’s clairvoyance. That’s really too bad because they had a genuine talent in Joyce Jameson as Nina. No nudie bar employee since Jack Ruby has so quickly emerged from the pack to blow away others on screen.