What’s up with the Weems? First Borgus, and now the indestructible Clarence. OK, they aired 14 years apart, so I guess there is no conspiracy.
The board of the Knights of the Golden Lodge came up with a boffo idea for their members. They bought a plot of land to be used as a cemetery. The problem is, people aren’t exactly dying to get in. Taxes and upkeep are killing their cash flow.
They agree that the problem is that no one wants to be the first, so they must find someone to occupy the first grave. Their first thought is of Clarence Weems, a member who has been in ill health for the past year. They decide to offer him $50 / week (over $400 in 2014 dollars) until he dies if he agrees to be the first customer at Elysium Fields.
Weems immediately takes a turn for the better; also for the nurse, as he begins feeling frisky. He applies to have his membership in the lodge reactivated. The board climbs the 3 flights of stairs to visit him again, but he is asleep. He does manage to make it to the lodge dance, though. And enter the cha-cha contest.
The board pays another visit to Weems. His doctor tells them that they are responsible for his amazing recovery, that having the security of the lifetime annuity has added years to his life.
They decide to see if Weems will accept $500 to release them from the contract. When they go to his apartment, they see him moving a piano (correction, seems to be something else, but I like my idea better). This so enrages the Grand Poobah of the lodge, that he keels over on the stairs. Weems generously offers his grave for the Poobah to be buried in.
A simple, fun little episode even though the Poobah didn’t really deserve to die. They could have ended the episode with the face-palm realization that it was their generosity that doomed the lodge. It would have been a bloodless, A.A. Milne type episode, but still rich with irony.
- AHP Deathwatch: No survivors, but Don Keefer gave it good try, just passing away in September at age 98.
- Keefer was in The Caine Mutiny where there was a character named Keefer. There was also a character named Keith, and the similarity always confused me.